Thursday, October 14, 2010

Wow...I've gone silent

I didn't mean to. I was actually enjoying this as a space to think. But, I notice that it's been nearly two months since I last said anything.

I think that I've been overwhelmed with life and with trying to figure out what the right balance is in my current parenting 'job'.

I mean, I have a bunch of skills that I could use to improve his success. But, I don't think that using those skills will really help him in the long run. So, I'm trying to step back and let failure happen. But, I can't help but notice the mini failures -- and the impact they have on me -- and want to start fixing them.

I'm growing used to his presence. That feels a bit odd to say, but, it's a bit weird to go from being an adult and pet only home with lots of visitors (of the human and furred varieties) to being a home with a teenager who is an extrovert that doesn't leave the house. So, for awhile it seemed overwhelming to constantly have to engage with someone who wasn't usually all that pleasant. I kept walking away and hiding in my room.

Now I'm doing a better job of expecting his presence. I still treasure the moments when my house is quiet for an hour or so, but, I don't expect it to be that way. My expectation for my home is that it will be a stressful environment and I remind myself that that is okay.

I still question how he'll survive when he's living on his own and doesn't have a trapped audience. But, that is just one more thing that I should let go of. I can't fix it, so, I'll need to let him fail or succeed on his own.


  1. Fostering is a challenge to care without causing further harm, to care in the right way to break that cycle of harm and to care in a way that doesn't hurt. Your thoughts show insight and preparedness to learn.

  2. Thanks for the lovely comment. Two years into foster licensing and I feel much more competent than when I started. I'm sure I'll continue to learn.