I find myself wondering that a lot. We are certainly better than the alternative that was available at moving time. And, we are certainly capable of teaching all of the things that need to be taught. But, are we really the right place?
And, does it matter?
Statistically, every move causes trauma regardless of the reason for the move. So, even if we are only the available place, does that make us the right place now that he's here?
A wanted to leave...in retrospect I'm able to see that her attachment issues were WAY worse than B's. But, I was prepared for it with B since he has the diagnosis. But, A was supposedly a "typical teenager". We fought it for awhile, but, then said that she gets to have power in her life and if that means that she wants to leave we should let her leave.
I think that B has been trying to tell us that he wants to leave. He's not quite as clear as A was. But, this time we're fighting it quite differently. Instead of explaining that we care for him, we explain what we can offer him and then tell him that he is welcome to leave if he wishes. It's a different approach and it feels weird, but, I also realize that he is going to have to leave sooner that he will really be ready. So, in some ways if he leaves earlier than that because he made an active choice to leave it might be less traumatic.
All that said, I don't think that he really wants to leave. I think it's some kind of test. I have no idea if we are passing.