I Don't Like Waiting

It's a strange feeling to be waiting for a placement.

On the one hand, I jump every time the phone rings, wondering if this might be it. On the other hand, I would like to believe that the delay means there aren't kids who need a safe home.

It just seems wrong to be hoping for a fostering placement call since that feels like hoping for someone to be living in a bad environment and/or to have tragedy strike. But, I guess I'm rather pessimistic about society, because I find that I can't believe those things aren't actually true. So, the delay while waiting for a call makes me fear that a child is simply not getting rescued.

But, mostly, I just don't like waiting -- under any circumstance.

I'm scared

We'll be active tomorrow and I've hit the fear point. Can I really do this?

Some moments I think I'll be great and I have all the confidence in the world, but, most of the time these days I just dwell on all the things I could mess up and all the reasons the kids (and their families) might hate me even if I do everything right.

How do you get the strength and courage to get started?

I think we're very close to being active and so I've started worrying about what our first placement will look like.

Will we get teens? (We're expecting teens because I know they have a serious shortage of homes for teens.) Or, will we end up with younger kids simply because we have space for siblings? Will placement decisions actually have anything to do with these issues, or, will it be that we simply get whomever is next to enter the system once we're active?

I don't like waiting and I don't like situations where I don't have knowledge. I think working with the system is going to take some getting used to.