Me: Why weren't you in school?
A:
Me: Where were you?
A: Around.
I said more while she avoided looking at me and tried to ignore that I was talking.
Is anybody reading? What do I do? How do I make someone (who says that they like school) go to school?
I'm reading. I just very much dislike giving advice on things I have not lived. The closest I can get is the experience we had with our two foster daughters ages 10 and 13 for three months one summer.
ReplyDeleteWhat I THINK I would do is take full advantage of being the good guy. If you have the help of outside organizations (ie, the school, the police, and the social worker), make them do the dirty work while you work on bonding. Keep the teachers keeping her accountable, but behind the scenes. If the teachers aren't calling truancy officers, then the social worker should be. You can so pawn this off on them so you can do the real work.
Missing school is a symptom. She is probably missing for a feeling of control. Everything is so out of her control in her own life right now. I know with kids in my home, chores are a priviledge. Kids that can be relied upon to do a good, honest job will get to pick a couple of tasks to commit to, and will be treated as a child that has earned that trust. A child who is not mature enough to be trusted to do a chore is not mature enough to (fill in the blanks). It's amazing how much they want to do the chores once you don't let them. Especially the control freaks. They don't want you lovingly doting on them and taking care of all of their needs. It makes them feel too vulnerable. They want to feel like they've earned their keep so they can delude themselves into thinking that you owe them whatever you are giving them or doing for them.
Of course, your kiddo might be different. She might be the one who'd love a free ride and will take advantage of whatever comes at her. Even then, though, she could never mistake the fact that you lovingly cared for her despite her actions.
The real battle here is her ability to trust you--because you are the maternal figure. If she can learn to trust you that sets her up for successful relationships in the future. School, lack of motivation for chores, etc. are all the symptoms. Engage her in any way she can. Draw her in. Let her feel loved for who she is. Let her know you see her fear and you see her good heart. You might even just be crazy enough to wake her one morning and tell her that since she likes skipping school so much you planned a day for just you and her to do it together. Then send her to school the next day with a sick note. . .because she really is sick. It's just a mental thing that doesn't get enough attention.
Just my 2 cents. It may all be way off base. All I have is my experience. If there's nothing else you can take from this, just know that I think you are doing a good thing, and just sticking by her cannot be anything but helpful.