A few weeks ago at a training session one of the other prospective foster parents said, "those people who apply for adoption aren't interested in fostering--they've all experienced infertility and after that why would you want to raise someone else's child."
I was very taken aback and really wanted to comment on it, but, it was orthogonal to the discussion at the time and I let it go. But, it's still bugging me!
First, how does she know that they've all experienced infertility? I know several people who've adopted because it seemed like a way to make a real difference in the life of a child and others who've adopted because they see it as a service to society. Some of these people have bio-kids as well and have never experienced infertility.
Second, I've experienced infertility. It was oddly hurtful to have someone assume that I would change my view of fostering because of that. In our county, foster-to-adopt is not an option because they had trouble with people who really wanted to adopt struggling with the primary motivation of fostering. I do get how this can be a problem. If you live in an area where the only way to adopt from foster care is to become a foster-to-adopt family and then hope that parental rights get terminated, you may go ahead and begin fostering, but, you didn't necessarily choose to foster. Fostering should have a goal of helping a family get itself together again to be a healthy place for the child you are fostering to return to. But, if you're fostering because you want to adopt and it is a hurdle you must jump through, then, you are likely to have a tough time with the goal of reunification. On the other hand, I think that some people can legitimately do both. But, people who make sweeping generalizations about "all people who X..." are the reason others of us can't offer that we can work toward reunification and still move to adoption if there is a good fit and reunification fails.
Third, why is she applying to be a foster parent if she thinks that people who've experienced infertility can't parent other people's children? She doesn't have her own kids yet, so, she might be infertile. What would she do when she figured that out? Return the foster kids?
I'd love for there to be a perfect world where nobody needed foster families because all families were functional and whenever anyone got sick or died young there was extended family ready, willing and able to provide a loving home. But, I live in the real world, and, in the real world, things aren't perfect. If I am able to be there to support a child and/or a family in a time of need, it seems like an important thing to do. Choosing to be a foster parent has nothing to do with fertility! (At least not for me.)
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