A-15 moved in last week. She's balking a LOT at the fact that we want to spend time with her and want to know what's going on in her life.

We're trying hard to pull back and not ask much and to give her lots of space. But, we're just not okay with the idea of her "going out" and us not knowing where, with whom, etc.

On the one hand, I completely get that this isn't what she's used to and she has no reason to want to spend time with us. On the other hand, I'm not willing to be the kind of parent that she was removed from and isn't allowed to live with. It's a tough balance!

I'm spending a lot of time wondering why I WANTED to do this. I take a lot of deep breaths and remind myself that I CAN do this, but, why did I WANT to?

I know how to choose to treat someone with love regardless of how they respond to me and I don't expect her to suddenly like me. But, she wanted a family over a group home and we told her what that meant to us and now she seems shocked by it all. I really hope it's just adjusting and that things will improve. (If this is a "honeymoon" then I'm worried about the crash.)

Can I do this?

A-15 joined our family a couple of days ago. On the one hand, she seems like a pretty good kid and like a really good fit for us. On the other hand, she's lying to us about things and seems to think we're not able to figure it out.

I deal with this kind of thing all the time with teens during my work hours and I know what I'd do about it there. But, we're trying to build relationship here and engender trust. So, I want her to believe that I trust her and I want her to choose honesty herself.

The thing is, her lies are all about making herself look good. She's been given a pretty clear message that she needs to make this family work or she'll have to go to a group home. So, she's trying to make herself look better than she actually is. I know it's asking a lot for someone to trust me with their true self, but, pretty soon I'm going to have to tell her that I know the truth about some of these things--teacher interviews are in a week.

I can do this, right?

Hurry Up and Wait

Well...something might be happening....

We got a call that said they needed a long-term placement for someone and they needed it right away. We said 'yes' and now haven't heard from them for a week.

This system confuses me!

Nothing to Say -- Still Waiting

Part of me wants to complain about the wait, and part of me wants to say that the fact we haven't been needed yet is a good thing.

I Don't Like Waiting

It's a strange feeling to be waiting for a placement.

On the one hand, I jump every time the phone rings, wondering if this might be it. On the other hand, I would like to believe that the delay means there aren't kids who need a safe home.

It just seems wrong to be hoping for a fostering placement call since that feels like hoping for someone to be living in a bad environment and/or to have tragedy strike. But, I guess I'm rather pessimistic about society, because I find that I can't believe those things aren't actually true. So, the delay while waiting for a call makes me fear that a child is simply not getting rescued.

But, mostly, I just don't like waiting -- under any circumstance.

I'm scared

We'll be active tomorrow and I've hit the fear point. Can I really do this?

Some moments I think I'll be great and I have all the confidence in the world, but, most of the time these days I just dwell on all the things I could mess up and all the reasons the kids (and their families) might hate me even if I do everything right.

How do you get the strength and courage to get started?

I think we're very close to being active and so I've started worrying about what our first placement will look like.

Will we get teens? (We're expecting teens because I know they have a serious shortage of homes for teens.) Or, will we end up with younger kids simply because we have space for siblings? Will placement decisions actually have anything to do with these issues, or, will it be that we simply get whomever is next to enter the system once we're active?

I don't like waiting and I don't like situations where I don't have knowledge. I think working with the system is going to take some getting used to.